Short Description Of A Bad Night.

My reptilian brain was telling me not to trust the more developed regions. I was unable to heed this warning. I closed my eyes. It took mere moments to fall asleep and only moments more to regret doing so. Nightmares began circling like a lioness desperate to feed her cubs. Waiting for a stray fear to reveal itself as weak and vulnerable. Then the strike. Lucidity only intensified the horror of what I experienced. My children ripping at my  flesh with mutilated  claw-like hands. Their mother urging them on like a heavily indebted hill billy at a cock fight.  Once there was too little of me left to pull at, a warm, almost comforting sensation washed over my being, lulling me into acceptance of my fate. Then, just as the part of my conscience still tethered to reality was beginning to triumph I sank rapidly back into madness. My eyes opened just before I drowned in my own blood.

Relief was short lived however. I was completely unable to move. I was alert and wanted so badly to remove myself from the bed (tomb). I could not. Claustrophobic  and soaked in perspiration, I began to cry out for help. No one could hear. I could not hear myself. The hours following were filled with doubt and humiliation. Could this have actually happened to me? Why was this episode so much my intense and terrifying than the others? I wrote down what I could, showered and tried again to sleep. I could not.

*significant portions of my late night notes were omitted. i want to get it out, but am not ready yet.